The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize