saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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