So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
