So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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