i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
