he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
