she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
