i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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