You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
