is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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