i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bring me that man meat
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
