Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
