and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
