i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
