you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
