we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
