Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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