Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
