I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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