your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
