he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
