So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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