as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
