How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
