i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
