and you said cock pushups were impossible
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
