I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
