Fuck appropriateness.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
