i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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