Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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