Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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