Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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