why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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