Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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