Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
