Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
