I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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