do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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