I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
