Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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