i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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