i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i came on her dog
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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