He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
