cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
