Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So much Jack, so little girl.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
