my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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