I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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