i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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