like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
