Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
