He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
