it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
