you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
