toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
