I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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