your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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