After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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