paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
