I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
