let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
