Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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