Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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