i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
