this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
