why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
