Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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