i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm getting married
To pizza
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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