you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
