are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
