I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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