This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
