"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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